CW’s “Arrow” does not hit its mark.

I took a few of my “leisure” hours this weekend to watch a couple episodes of the CW network’s new show Arrow, that chronicles the exploits of The Green Arrow, a DC Comics superhero created in the 1940s, upcycled and revamped in modern day America. I was less than impressed.

How can a superhero show featuring Captain Jack Harkness AND Harry Dresden be so abysmal?

I like a good superhero as much as the next girl, but this one just isn’t it. And with all the old heroes being revamped and reinvented, this is one storyline I think should have been skipped (or at least given a little more time in the rumination stage to make it less… well, blah).

DISCLAIMER: To be fair, I admit I didn’t start with episode one. I jumped in at Episode 11, but I feel if a show hasn’t gelled by then, it probably won’t. Also, I will admit that  although I grew up in the 80s and 90s I was NOT an avid comic book geek. The only graphic novels/ comics I read regularly were The Adventures of TinTin and Groo: The Wanderer. Although, I did fall madly in love with Batman at the age of 10 in 1989 when Michael Keaton donned the suit (and of course, it was a logical tiny hop to adore Michelle Pfeiffer’s Cat Woman a few years later in my formative pre-teen years).

So, disagree at will, but here are my Ten Reasons Why I Will NOT be Watching ARROW:

1) The tedious and disjointed Flashback sequences: I understand why shows use them. They are supposed to give us insight into the characters and their motivations a little at a time. But the flashbacks to the island were disrupting to the tale at hand and often didn’t seem connected to the current storyline. So what triggered them?

2) Familial Relationships as forced plot devices: Obviously every single character of this show has trust issues when it comes to family. But it seemed like they tried to play too much on the parent/ child dynamic of estranged affection as a facade for true love and a desire to protect one’s offspring. The strained relationships came across as more a lack of chemistry, than acting.

3) The Cliche’d use of the Hoarse Voice while in Alter-Ego mode: UGH. Really? As I mentioned before, I love Batman, but Christian Bale kind of killed this hackneyed way of hiding one’s identity in the Dark Knight Rises. It is just way too overdone and way too annoying.

4) Hoodie-Meets-Pleather: Sorry, dude. You do not look cool. What self-respecting superhero would run around in that? Maybe they should have spent a little more money on wardrobe and a little less on the exterior shots of the Queen mansion.

5) Grumpy Cat eye makeup: I actually laughed out loud the first time they show The Green Arrow’s face while he is incognito. Seriously, he looks like a guy dressed as the Grumpy Cat Meme.

6) Villains? What Villains?: They spend so much time with trying to make you care about the core characters’ duplicity and shenanigans that the “bad guys” all seem flat and lackluster. They are introduced and made out to be bad-ass, in words mostly, but then you meet them and they are… lame.  I was hoping for more nefarious fare in the villain department, But alas, it is not to be. You really can’t have a great superhero without some really great villains, in my humble opinion.

7) The Writing… or maybe the Directing…: I am not sure why they aren’t using some of their actors to their full potential. I mean, you have John Barrowman AND Paul Blackthorne, and yet their characters are flat, awkward, and uninteresting. Is it the bad lines or the director’s choice that keeps these guys (and I am guessing the rest of the cast) under the thumb of mediocrity? I don’t know, but something’s gotta give.

8) Underutilization of Guest Stars: This goes back to number 6 somewhat and the fact that in the two episodes I watched, they had two potentially awesome villain characters, but something happened on the way to the network. I was sorely disappointed with the Count Vertigo character, played by Seth Gabel. I have seen him do really engaging things with characters before. And when David Anders showed up to play Cyrus Vanch I was ecstatic. He was delightfully evil and self-interested as Julian Sark in ALIAS and I was really hoping to see some of that stone cold villainy, only to be left with that WTF feeling.

9) Oliver Queen: I know he is the main character, and this may seem nit-picky, but I just couldn’t care about him. First, he looks too much like an unshaven Robin, a la the Chris O’Donnell days. Second, he doesn’t have an expressive face. Third, I found myself wishing for the “Weepy” hero from The Cape, instead of this guy – and THAT is never a good sign.

10) The Women: They are all just so juvenile. There wasn’t a scene in which I felt any of them measured up to half the women I know in real life. They don’t come across as tough, smart, capable, or particularly charming. Not a one. And all the half-hearted love triangles are a bit too Desperate Housewives for my personal tastes. The number of times female characters just stormed out of the room instead of standing their ground, really got under my skin.

Wow. When I started writing this I was afraid maybe I had been too critical in my limited viewing, and maybe I was, but as I re-read through these reasons it is pretty clear I didn’t like this show at all. It is kind of amazing I made it all the way through two full episodes, as I am not known for my patience in these matters.

If you disagree, tell me why you love this show. If you agree, did I miss anything?